Rusame: My Promise to You
by xinioz
Summary: This is a one shot between Alfred and Ivan. It's a dark story, and focuses mostly on Alfred. Both are very possessive of each other, and there are very subtle notions towards suicide. There is some language and a lot of angst. So, yeah. Please enjoy the feels and tears.


**Okay, this is my first fanfiction, and I'll be honest, I have no idea what I did. This is pretty much a short little rusame drabble, and Alfred is in little control over himself, and he's kinda depressed and it's full of angst...and Ivan is really the only one who can calm down the young superpower since he can relate to what America is going through... There's a lots of possessive thought's from both Ivan and Alfred, and small mentions of suicide...Yeah, that's pretty much it. Please leave a comment if you think I need to work on/change anything on this story, and for future ones I write! Thanks, and have a great day c:**

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Sweat was dripping down his forehead. The wall had a giant whole in it. Cracks and punches decorated the room like spider webs. The couch was tipped over. The television was shattered into oblivion. The coffee table was glass dust lying on the carpet. Books and pictures thrown all across the living room and into the kitchen.

He did it again. He broke something else. He just couldn't control himself. _He_ couldn't control himself. He was America, he should be able to do this... should be able... but never could.

"Fredka?"

He punched the wall. Whether it was out of anger, annoyance, _f_ _ear?-_ The American never knew what triggered himself to act this way.

" _Please_. Calm down."

Calm down? Calm down?! How could he? Too many emotions were throwing him over the edge. He hated being this way. America could never stop himself, no matter how hard he tried...and he tried countless amounts of times. Triangle breathing, anger management classes, counting up to large numbers and even counting down. Anything to distract his mind from himself.

"Alfred. _Please._ You're doing it again."

He could hear the pain- No, _fear_ in the others voice. His heart shattered. He wanted to care, he just couldn't care. Why should he? No one ever fucking cared about him, they never did. _Ever._ Only when they needed something. Only when he was on a fucking cliff, debating if he should jump, knowing that he had no wings to save himself, or wait- wait until someone cared enough to lend America their own wings. They wanted to push him off, laugh as he fell and not being able to do a _god damn thing_ about it. Maybe he was like Rome, maybe he was just some fucking pathetic and useless empire waiting to fall.

"I can't stop- I can't control myself…..I just can't"

He gripped his fists tightly and America slowly fell down to his knees, shaking. _He_ was even afraid of himself. There was _nothing_ he could do, no way to stop the insanity that flowed through his veins. The _terror_ he would get from looking in the mirror and seeing what he had become. A _monster_. A _living weapon_. His own friend- no, _lover_ was afraid of him...and for gods sake- it was Russia. _Russia_. _Russia_ isn't supposed to be afraid of anything. But yet, the blonde was able to give off a wave of horror. A trembling, fear inflicting vibe of " _back off_ ".

America felt a cold, yet somehow warm hand on the back of his strong and muscular back. His breathing slowed down, but he was still panting and his breath was jagged and rough. Alfred wanted to look behind himself and face the reason he was still somewhat sane, but he was covered from head to toe in guilt. Even though the other had seen America like his many times, it was still a fucking scary thing.

He felt strong arms wrap around him and pull him into a hug. A warm hug. That's what he needed. That's what he _wanted._ He wanted someone out there to show him he was still loved, still cared for, still needed...not just for his power, but for his smile, his silly puns he would throw out randomly, his big and excepting heart. America loved everyone. No matter their religion, race, sexual orientation, gender identity. He loved _everyone._ But, why? Why didn't anyone love him? Yeah, _loved._ That's what happens when all you give is everything, but still they ask for more.

"Sunflower. please, look at me."

That voice. Ivan's voice, it was so beautiful to him. Many people thought it was terrifying, but the american loved everything about it. Ivan was one of the only people who could calm him. The others... Canada, England, and France. Even they were afraid of him. But, Ivan...his Ivan. His tall, dashing, violet eyed lover, with beautiful ash blonde hair that reminded both men of the snow. Alfred was deep in love with Ivan, and Russia, but mostly Ivan. Ivan was his Vanya, and his alone. Vanya was there for him when no one else was there. Vanya would love him when everyone else gave him the shoulder. Vanya was... Vanya, and Alfred loved everything that made his Vanya his.

"Alfred, I am here. Calm down, I will protect you."

He tried, he really did.

"I-Ivan...I-I can't…"

The American whispered out those words ever so quietly. Ivan's heart shattered. Alfred. His Alfred. His Fredka. His sunshine. His precious one. His sunflower... The only person he could and would ever be able to call his. His America. The superpower that the world could barely even marvel the fact that he was so young, yet so terribly strong. Seeing him broken down, afraid of himself, made Ivan want to destroy everything. _Everything._ From the rude ignorant people in his Alfred's country, to the countries who dared to make fun of and hurt his sunflower. The American turned around and laid his head on his lovers chest. Sighing, Ivan used one of his hands to wipe away a Alfred's tears.

"Why do I get like this? Why can't I control myself?" Alfred whispered to the point were Vanya could barely hear him. His poor Alfred. The Russian stroked those amber waves of grain that reminded Ivan so much of happiness. Ivan bit his lip, almost wanting to cry when his sweet Alfred flinched at the action. Did Fredka think he was going to be hit? He could never hit his Fredka, _ever._

"You can, sunflower. I'm Here to help you." Ivan spoke gently, attempting to calm down his America. Those bright sky blue eyes that were once filled with life and youthfulness, are now dark and gray, filled with sadness and a loss of hope.

"H-how?"

His voice…It cracked. It was filled with so much pain. Filled with so much fear. Filled with so much emptiness and wanting to belong safely in someone's arms. Alfred had been pushed into a sea of sadness, his head barely floating above the water. Drowning in depression and chaos...And he…Ivan. Ivan couldn't even save what he loved most.

"I-I don't know yet...But I will always be by your side."

But Vanya tried. He will always try. Always try to protect what he loved most. To nurture, and love what others where to blind and foolish to love. Ivan's heart was beating at a gentle pace. This happened many, many times. But, for ever second, for every minuet, every hour. No matter how long this would take, Ivan would always be there for his Fredka.

"Promise?"

"Promise."


End file.
